"The Trouble with 'OGs'" as chronicled by an OG (me) observing non-"OGs" ('young' folk, "YFs")

Not that long ago or so it seems. I was standing while riding the Muni bus and a young Asian woman looked up and asked, "Would you like to sit down?"

At the time I didn't think she was talking to me (and I was rather insulted). Did I really look "that old"?

Then more recently I was addressed by a young African-American male as an "OG". Whoa! "OG" as in "OLD" Girl, Guy, Gay, whatever. 

So it's happened! Not sure when or how but I'm viewed officially as "OLD". But I don't feel, think I act, don't want to appear and frankly, refuse to accept what has taken me a very long time to be ... and that is a "woman" but not an "OLD" one.

However, I volunteer at several great non-profits and interact with many thirty, forty somethings and have noticed that we "OGs" can be very annoying. Should I add problematic, troublesome, time consuming and irritating. And so we are often to be avoided because of some nasty habits I think we OGs should address. Here are a few. Please feel free (if you're north of sixty) to add some I may have forgotten (yes, I'm not the thinker I once was). 

Item first: We are much too time consuming for busy, busy "YFs" (Young Folks). And they never know just when we'll make our point in the conversation, text, email, phone call, whatever. Get in a hurry! Rush to the issue.

Secondly: Do not reminisce! These YFs really don't give a hoot about your (fill in the blank with a photo, a story, a family member, whatever) from your past. And as for stories I'm reminded of John Wayne's so true line, "You should have seen me when I was forty!" But YFs can't be bothered with how great you once were (if at all).

Three: Get very good at practicing and not violating The Eleventh Commandment: "Thou shall not give criticism or advice." Best given if only begged for and the plea for your great wisdom and knowledge should come several times before dispensed. It will probably not be taken and acted upon and mostly what you've done is an attempt to inflate your ego and alienate any further discussion with the YF.

Fourthly: Your "health" (either the fact that you just ran your eighth marathon or swam to Alcatraz and back ... or the fact that you now house many of someone else's internal organs   or have only two weeks left on your meter) ...  and your "finances" (either that you have a mansion in Seacliff as well as homes in Paris and Fiji ... or that you have less than fifty dollars to your name and live in your '85 Toyota are both real turnoffs. Your health and finances ring up record highs on the self-absorption meter and topics to be avoided; especially with YFs. 

Number Five: Discussing "your kids" has great risk unless the YF you're trying connect to knows and likes them - which is not likely. Your kids are so very different - from address to interests, education, income or lack thereof, talent, addiction, personality, marital status ... shall I go on? Ask yourself, "Why would this YF be interested in hearing me talk about my kid who is so very different having been raised in a family with someone such as me as one of their parents?" Your kids really don't have any attraction, similarity to them.

Item Six: Remember your grandparents? What did you like about them? Dislike? Did they give you money or an ugly sweater on your birthday? Take you sometimes to a nice restaurant? Buy you ice cream? Let you borrow their car? How did they smell, look, move and did they smile, laugh often? Or was a scowl, frown, pain fiberglassed on their face? What did you want to hear, see, learn from them? YOU ARE NOW YOUR GRANDPARENT! Get over it. Embrace your OG status.

Seventhly: How do you look? If you're in a motorized chair, use a cane, walker or wheelchair I understand. However ... just what is "age appropriate" behavior and dress? And who amongst we OGs has great looking skin on our thighs, between our breast, hands, necks, faces, etc. Great fabric and jewelry covers a multitude of "skins". Remember we are trying to ingratiate ourselves to YFs who have no idea what carbon paper, a pay phone or printed phone book looks like. So your "look" is probably museum-like to them. And how do you smell and sound? Where should I start?

Eight: Your values, prejudices, tastes? When did you last install an upgrade on your hard rive? Are you stuck in the 60"s, 70's, maybe 80's or 90's? Politics, race, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, sports, careers, industry, hobbies, etc., are all changing at a much greater rate than when you were their age. Got a tagging app, Instagram account, know WhatsApp?, an Lyft account, listen to podcasts and text on your smartphone than is just crammed with the latest games? And have you been to lunch or coffee with someone and rather than hold a "conversation" spend your time together holding your phone and punching it or enjoying music or maybe a movie? An in person verbal conversation is well ... so very "OG".

So ... #9 and beyond are up to you. Let me know if 1) YFs are worth our time and attention; 2) If what I've stated has any validity; and 3) If so what additional OG tendencies, traits and caution lights have I failed to mention. 

That's it for a Sunday afternoon. I'm looking forward to drinks tomorrow nite with two most attractive YFs and need to concentrate on my sometimes "OGisms".