LOSS
Who hasn't suffered it? And really I should be very grateful for the time we were together. But oh ... it's very difficult! It hurts!
Don't you want it to never end? Just how many great memories are enough? And why couldn't it have gone on longer? Will I or you if you know what I mean and are about my age ever have that feeling again? You know the one. The person that takes your breath away. The one that makes you rather stupid. The one who is never far removed from your thoughts. The one who enters your every decision. The one whose ghost haunts where you live, the places you visited together, the music you hear, the literature you read, the shops, restaurants, coffee houses, bars, etc., you frequent.
Carpe dieum I was told. Ride that wave as long as you can. Surely I would do it again knowing there would be a similar ending. And I did read that the only way to love someone is to know you will lose them. But time is a lousy healer. I know I'm richer, wiser, happier for our time together.
But damn ... to lose someone you love so dearly is maybe the greatest loss of all. I have a little money, a little good sense, a little humor, a little health and a little life left. I have a big heart but it doesn't seem big enough for the loss I've suffered. Not that I'm complaining but it hurts and attempting a remedy such as writing was something I thought worth a try.
Will she or the feeling she generated in me return? I can hope, but realistically my only hope is that I can better cope with "loss". To not walk tall again is not an option. I'm out there? Is she? Are you?
