A Case Against Unisex Bathrooms
Third in line last month at the wonderful Zuni Cafe waiting to enter the women's restroom I was asked by a lovely young woman, "Don't you hate waiting?"
Now, often being the largest, oldest, whitest, most obviously transgender, female they've ever met and curious to hear what I sound like I get asked a variety of questions. However, this one piqued my attention and got me thinking how grateful I am there are both Men's and Women's Restrooms!
My answer expressed in my softest, warmest, lilt with a smile on my face was, "No, not at all. In fact I've waited over fifty years to use this bathroom."
However, having spent decades frequenting the other facility I want to promote, put in a plug for the continuation of the very well established and sound concept of their being two; one designated for "Women" and the other for "Men". (Just who these "men" and "women" are, think they are or thought of as that gender, is an entirely separate topic I won't touch.)
To my mind we need to preserve both due largely to our caveman and woman ancestors; the former being hunters and gathers and the later as nest builders. That and the fact that dominant in most social constructs is the sad evolution of reaching the lowest common denominator. Knowing both have the same functional goals does little to characterize the two. Trust me! They are very different facilities!
It should be obvious, but maybe not, that the simple act of relieving ones bladder is different for most boys than it is for most girls. And I emphasize "most" given that surely there are "women" who stand and "men" who sit. But largely males head (pun intended) for the urinals and women sit in stalls. Now my first point is that sitting to pee is so much more pleasant and private. One could I suppose argue that standing to drain one's bladder is more sanitary, but anyone who has stood at a urinal, looked at its drain and touched the handle to activate the flush would suggest maybe not. Using a urinal - one of perhaps many jutting out from a lifeless wall - is a silent act performed often with other men standing, slouching, leaning, one armed starring down, straight ahead or maybe up - but never scanning side to side or engaged in conversation. Looking down and either left or right at your neighbor's whatever is strictly forbidden. Men's rooms are all about efficiency and if there were urinal type devices for relieving male bowels, efficiently, I think they would sell. There is very seldom any conversation occurring, and then only between very close friends and perhaps family members. In a large men's room at a ball park, school or other public place the noises heard are only those of running water - lots of water - and maybe an automatic paper towel dispenser or perchance one of those deaf inducing hand air dryers. What you won't hear is conversation.
Contrast that with almost every Women's Restroom. One upon entering immediately notices the nest builders who inhabit the room. It's appointments speak "comfort" and its decor determines the acceptance of the greater facility itself. A business, institution, organization may have a great balance sheet but its reputation is no better than its "ladies room".
The best ones (and I would think that by now Zagat's or Michelin would have rated ladies' rooms) have fresh flowers, great lighting, comfortable chairs and couches, sparkling mirrors, plush carpeting, sweet music, magical garden scents and very often "cloth" towels. But that aside what makes them so different is the socialization that occurs! Entering one; at a fine restaurant and especially where there's an event such as a concert you immediately notice women communicate with each other in this room - discussing their dress, date, marriage, finances, cramps, sex life, whatever ... with mostly "perfect strangers."
And they help one another offering advice, makeup, nail files, clothing malfunctions, whatever. Seated quietly in a stall I have overheard (different than eavesdropping) the most amazing conversations describing partners, positions, performance and satisfaction (or lack thereof); intimate stuff seldom heard elsewhere. There is no such help, connection, society in the mens room.
So in closing I ask you to join me in my campaign to preserve the concept of two, separate restroom, bathroom, head, lavatory, lieu facilities. I fear unisex facilities will quickly attain lowest common denominator status (i.e. "men's" room) and hasten the extinction of what is a truly hallowed space. To those who say "separate but equal" is possible I respectfully disagree on the of restrooms. Please join me in my campaign to preserve the two!
