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Caption?

The last page of The New Yorker is always a cartoon caption contest. I love the inventive minds' submissions.

So ... for this picture. What's so funny? Send a caption and the winner gets a Starbuck's Gift Card. OK?

LOSS

LOSS

Who hasn't suffered it? And really I should be very grateful for the time we were together. But oh ... it's very difficult! It hurts!

Don't you want it to never end? Just how many great memories are enough? And why couldn't it have gone on longer? Will I or you if you know what I mean and are about my age ever have that feeling again? You know the one. The person that takes your breath away. The one that makes you rather stupid. The one who is never far removed from your thoughts. The one who enters your every decision. The one whose ghost haunts where you live, the places you visited together, the music you hear, the literature you read, the shops, restaurants, coffee houses, bars, etc., you frequent. 

Carpe dieum I was told. Ride that wave as long as you can. Surely I would do it again knowing there would be a similar ending. And I did read that the only way to love someone is to know you will lose them. But time is a lousy healer. I know I'm richer, wiser, happier for our time together.

But damn ... to lose someone you love so dearly is maybe the greatest loss of all. I have a little money, a little good sense, a little humor, a little health and a little life left. I have a big heart but it doesn't seem big enough for the loss I've suffered. Not that I'm complaining but it hurts and attempting a remedy such as writing was something I thought worth a try.

Will she or the feeling she generated in me return? I can hope, but realistically my only hope is that I can better cope with "loss". To not walk tall again is not an option. I'm out there? Is she? Are you?

A Case Against Unisex Bathrooms

Third in line last month at the wonderful Zuni Cafe waiting to enter the women's restroom I was asked by a lovely young woman, "Don't you hate waiting?"
Now, often being the largest, oldest, whitest, most obviously transgender, female they've ever met and curious to hear what I sound like I get asked a variety of questions. However, this one piqued my attention and got me thinking how grateful I am there are both Men's and Women's Restrooms!
My answer expressed in my softest, warmest, lilt with a smile on my face was, "No, not at all. In fact I've waited over fifty years to use this bathroom."
However, having spent decades frequenting the other facility I want to promote, put in a plug for the continuation of the very well established and sound concept of their being two; one designated for "Women" and the other for "Men". (Just who these "men" and "women" are, think they are or thought of as that gender, is an entirely separate topic I won't touch.)
To my mind we need to preserve both due largely to our caveman and woman ancestors; the former being hunters and gathers and the later as nest builders. That and the fact that dominant in most social constructs is the sad evolution of reaching the lowest common denominator. Knowing both have the same functional goals does little to characterize the two. Trust me! They are very different facilities!
It should be obvious, but maybe not, that the simple act of relieving ones bladder is different for most boys than it is for most girls. And I emphasize "most" given that surely there are "women" who stand and "men" who sit. But largely males head (pun intended) for the urinals and women sit in stalls. Now my first point is that sitting to pee is so much more pleasant and private. One could I suppose argue that standing to drain one's bladder is more sanitary, but anyone who has stood at a urinal, looked at its drain and touched the handle to activate the flush would suggest maybe not. Using a urinal - one of perhaps many jutting out from a lifeless wall - is a silent act performed often with other men standing, slouching, leaning, one armed starring down, straight ahead or maybe up - but never scanning side to side or engaged in conversation. Looking down and either left or right at your neighbor's whatever is strictly forbidden. Men's rooms are all about efficiency and if there were urinal type devices for relieving male bowels, efficiently, I think they would sell. There is very seldom any conversation occurring, and then only between very close friends and perhaps family members. In a large men's room at a ball park, school or other public place the noises heard are only those of running water - lots of water - and maybe an automatic paper towel dispenser or perchance one of those deaf inducing hand air dryers. What you won't hear is conversation. 
Contrast that with almost every Women's Restroom. One upon entering immediately notices the nest builders who inhabit the room. It's appointments speak "comfort" and its decor determines the acceptance of the greater facility itself. A business, institution, organization may have a great balance sheet but its reputation is no better than its "ladies room".
The best ones (and I would think that by now Zagat's or Michelin would have rated ladies' rooms) have fresh flowers, great lighting, comfortable chairs and couches, sparkling mirrors, plush carpeting, sweet music, magical garden scents and very often "cloth" towels. But that aside what makes them so different is the socialization that occurs! Entering one; at a fine restaurant and especially where there's an event such as a concert  you immediately notice women communicate with each other in this room - discussing their dress, date, marriage, finances, cramps, sex life, whatever ... with mostly "perfect strangers."
And they help one another offering advice, makeup, nail files, clothing malfunctions, whatever. Seated quietly in a stall I have overheard (different than eavesdropping) the most amazing conversations describing partners, positions, performance and satisfaction (or lack thereof); intimate stuff seldom heard elsewhere. There is no such help, connection, society in the mens room. 
So in closing I ask you to join me in my campaign to preserve the concept of two, separate restroom, bathroom, head, lavatory, lieu facilities. I fear unisex facilities will quickly attain lowest common denominator status (i.e. "men's" room) and hasten the extinction of what is a truly hallowed space. To those who say "separate but equal" is possible I respectfully disagree on the of restrooms. Please join me in my campaign to preserve the two!

"The Trouble with 'OGs'" as chronicled by an OG (me) observing non-"OGs" ('young' folk, "YFs")

Not that long ago or so it seems. I was standing while riding the Muni bus and a young Asian woman looked up and asked, "Would you like to sit down?"

At the time I didn't think she was talking to me (and I was rather insulted). Did I really look "that old"?

Then more recently I was addressed by a young African-American male as an "OG". Whoa! "OG" as in "OLD" Girl, Guy, Gay, whatever. 

So it's happened! Not sure when or how but I'm viewed officially as "OLD". But I don't feel, think I act, don't want to appear and frankly, refuse to accept what has taken me a very long time to be ... and that is a "woman" but not an "OLD" one.

However, I volunteer at several great non-profits and interact with many thirty, forty somethings and have noticed that we "OGs" can be very annoying. Should I add problematic, troublesome, time consuming and irritating. And so we are often to be avoided because of some nasty habits I think we OGs should address. Here are a few. Please feel free (if you're north of sixty) to add some I may have forgotten (yes, I'm not the thinker I once was). 

Item first: We are much too time consuming for busy, busy "YFs" (Young Folks). And they never know just when we'll make our point in the conversation, text, email, phone call, whatever. Get in a hurry! Rush to the issue.

Secondly: Do not reminisce! These YFs really don't give a hoot about your (fill in the blank with a photo, a story, a family member, whatever) from your past. And as for stories I'm reminded of John Wayne's so true line, "You should have seen me when I was forty!" But YFs can't be bothered with how great you once were (if at all).

Three: Get very good at practicing and not violating The Eleventh Commandment: "Thou shall not give criticism or advice." Best given if only begged for and the plea for your great wisdom and knowledge should come several times before dispensed. It will probably not be taken and acted upon and mostly what you've done is an attempt to inflate your ego and alienate any further discussion with the YF.

Fourthly: Your "health" (either the fact that you just ran your eighth marathon or swam to Alcatraz and back ... or the fact that you now house many of someone else's internal organs   or have only two weeks left on your meter) ...  and your "finances" (either that you have a mansion in Seacliff as well as homes in Paris and Fiji ... or that you have less than fifty dollars to your name and live in your '85 Toyota are both real turnoffs. Your health and finances ring up record highs on the self-absorption meter and topics to be avoided; especially with YFs. 

Number Five: Discussing "your kids" has great risk unless the YF you're trying connect to knows and likes them - which is not likely. Your kids are so very different - from address to interests, education, income or lack thereof, talent, addiction, personality, marital status ... shall I go on? Ask yourself, "Why would this YF be interested in hearing me talk about my kid who is so very different having been raised in a family with someone such as me as one of their parents?" Your kids really don't have any attraction, similarity to them.

Item Six: Remember your grandparents? What did you like about them? Dislike? Did they give you money or an ugly sweater on your birthday? Take you sometimes to a nice restaurant? Buy you ice cream? Let you borrow their car? How did they smell, look, move and did they smile, laugh often? Or was a scowl, frown, pain fiberglassed on their face? What did you want to hear, see, learn from them? YOU ARE NOW YOUR GRANDPARENT! Get over it. Embrace your OG status.

Seventhly: How do you look? If you're in a motorized chair, use a cane, walker or wheelchair I understand. However ... just what is "age appropriate" behavior and dress? And who amongst we OGs has great looking skin on our thighs, between our breast, hands, necks, faces, etc. Great fabric and jewelry covers a multitude of "skins". Remember we are trying to ingratiate ourselves to YFs who have no idea what carbon paper, a pay phone or printed phone book looks like. So your "look" is probably museum-like to them. And how do you smell and sound? Where should I start?

Eight: Your values, prejudices, tastes? When did you last install an upgrade on your hard rive? Are you stuck in the 60"s, 70's, maybe 80's or 90's? Politics, race, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, sports, careers, industry, hobbies, etc., are all changing at a much greater rate than when you were their age. Got a tagging app, Instagram account, know WhatsApp?, an Lyft account, listen to podcasts and text on your smartphone than is just crammed with the latest games? And have you been to lunch or coffee with someone and rather than hold a "conversation" spend your time together holding your phone and punching it or enjoying music or maybe a movie? An in person verbal conversation is well ... so very "OG".

So ... #9 and beyond are up to you. Let me know if 1) YFs are worth our time and attention; 2) If what I've stated has any validity; and 3) If so what additional OG tendencies, traits and caution lights have I failed to mention. 

That's it for a Sunday afternoon. I'm looking forward to drinks tomorrow nite with two most attractive YFs and need to concentrate on my sometimes "OGisms".

It's time! I have several decades of thoughts and experiences I should get down ... and maybe share with family, friends and other interested folks who may or may not be moved, upset, frustrated or just maybe entertained by my posts. So here goes with my first. 
"The Trouble with 'OG's'".
Stay tuned. More to follow. Now for the posting.